how to be annoying online
Posted on Friday, September 18, 2009
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how to be annoying online
1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) or RTFM (read the fucking manual) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for ("You don't know that? RTFM").
2. WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!
3. When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your "creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.
4. Software and files offered online are often "compressed" so that they won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word e-mail responses like "Thanks."
5. Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like "SexyHousewivesI," then see how many people download it. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-ons.
6. cc: all your e-mail to the VP (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so that he can keep track of what's happening on the Internet.
7. Join a discussion group and tie whatever's being discussed back to an unrelated central theme. For instance, if you're in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct others to ignore you.
Source: www.chiprowe.com/articles/net/net3.html
Daily Funny Link - 09/15/09 : Top 20 ‘Funny’ SMS Text Messages
Posted on Monday, September 14, 2009
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Top 20 ‘Funny’ SMS Text Messages
1. The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”
2. I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.
3. Crime doesn’t pay… Does that mean my job is a crime?
4. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
5. Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
6. I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
7. Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
8. What’s the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
9. I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
10. The Nine Most Terrifying Words In The English Language Are ...
"I'm From The Government And I'm Here To Help...."
11. Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
12. I hate people who text multiple message long texts which always end with *some text missing*. I just want to .......................... *[some text missing]*
13. Never forget that you’re unique, just like everyone else.
14. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
15. What do u call dog with no legs? Don’t matter wot u call him, he ain’t gonna come.
16. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
17. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
18. If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
19. Born Free… Taxed to Death.
20. We will now upgrade your brain, please wait… searching… searching… still searching… sorry NO BRAIN found.
Source: http://www.funnyandjokes.com/sms-jokes.html
Daily Funny Joke - 09/15/09 : Duck Hunter
A duck hunter was out in the marsh, enjoying the beautiful hunting weather when he felt the urge to relieve himself. So he walked over to the bushes and propped his gun against a tree. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew and knocked his gun over, discharging it and shooting him in the genitals.
Awaking several hours later in a hospital bed, our duck hunter is approached by his doctor. “Sir,” the doc begins “I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there’s no internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”
“Wow, that’s great!” replied the hunter. “So what’s the bad news?”
“The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Oh, well that’s not so bad I guess,” the hunter replied. “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”
“Not exactly.” answered the doctor. “She’s a flute player in the local symphony, and she’s gonna to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t pee in your eye.”
Daily Dark Joke - 09/15/09
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Daily Racist Joke - 09/15/09
Everyone should stop being racist . . racism should be a crime, and crime is for NIGGERS! - Neil
Random Thoughts From 25-30 Year Olds
Posted on Sunday, September 13, 2009
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- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
- It is physically impossible to get back from class and not take a nap. It doesn't matter what time of day it is. The second you get through the door, it's like you've been awake for a week.
- Before someone gets into my car, I always seem to have to change the song I'm playing to something less embarassing.
Daily Funny Jokes - laugh at THIS!
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